Ways to Show A Cancer Patient You Care

Sometime during this journey we call life, you are bound to be touched by cancer. If not yourself directly, eventually a loved one or friend will end up with the disease. When this happens, we often feel helpless and unsure of what to do or say. Having been the caretaker for 2 people with cancer (1 terminal, 1 surviving) I thought I'd offer a few practical suggestions for ways to show your care and concern.

• Visit but keep it brief. Cancer patients tire easily. They may love to see you, but it needs to be kept to a 15-30 minute period. I remember when my mom was ill, how her sisters and people from church would visit. She enjoyed them coming but at times it became way too much as some of them would stay for a couple hours. By the time they left she would be completely physically and emotionally exhausted. So, better to visit a couple times for brief periods than a long visit.
• Call rather than visit as it's less tiring. Again, brevity is better. Don't talk for hours on end. A simple call to say "I'm thinking about you" is much appreciated.
• Send cards/letters and do it often. Sending a card lets the patient know you care without tiring them. Plus, as cards and letters accumulate it can give them a real emotional boost to see how much they are loved and cared for.
• Do a chore - Often we say "If I can do anything, just let me know." Don't just ask, if you see it needs doing go ahead and do it. For example, if you know garbage night is Monday, don't offer, just show up and take out the trash!
• Provide a meal - Easy, freezable meals are much appreciated, especially by the caretakers as it is often a chore to manage family life, treatments, and the needs of a patient, and still find time to cook a nutritional meal.
• Give 'em a break - The caretakers, that is. Offer to stay/sit with the patient so they can run errands, grocery shop, etc. Caretaking often becomes a 24 hour job that is physically and emotionally draining. Even a 20 minute break to walk around the block is much appreciated.
• Remember the kids - Whether they are the cancer patient's or the caretaker's they can sometimes get lost in all the emotions going on. Of neccessity the focus has to be on the patient, but they often feel a little left out as grownups discuss treatments, options and the needs of the patient. Don't just offer to take the kids, show up and do something with them. It doesn't have to be expensive or even cost money. Take them to the park, toss a ball in the yard, play a game of go fish or monopoly, or a host of other things. One of my best and most appreciated memories is that of my 75 year old uncle sitting on the floor playing "war" with my 7 year old. My mom was in the final stages of cancer, Christmas was around the corner and I was physically and emotionally drained. They came over and I expected them to go in and visit with my mom. Although my aunt did briefly visit, my uncle called to my daughter and sat on the floor with her, getting down to her level to play a game. He'd even brought his own cards! The 2 of them stayed for hours entertaining both of my kids. Not only did I appreciate them for caretaking my kids, the children also enjoyed their time. To this day, my daughter still remembers playing cards with her uncle.
• Grocery shop - As you go to do your shopping, call and see if you can pick up a gallon of milk or other needed items.
• Follow the patient's lead - Cancer is both a physical and emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes a person will feel like discussing how they feel, how treatment is going or their fears and worries. Other times they don't want any part of discussing it and just want to escape for awhile. If you need a conversational topic other than things relating to the disease, recall a memory you both share, a trip you took together or even some song from your childhood. Sometimes a trip down memory lane can be emotionally uplifting. It's often said "laughter is the best medicine" and that is particularly true for cancer patients. Death is always hovering in the corner and it is good to forget and enjoy the moment.

All of these items are simple but will be appreciated by both the patient and the caregiver. Plus, it helps you with that helpless feeling that comes from seeing someone you love in pain. Hopefully whoever you know will recover but either way you'll have provided help and comfort while making some lasting memories.